These are not nerds you are describing in the post -- they are way-maladjusted people who have not grown up into humans who see the humanity in other people. "Nerd" describes an ethusiasm for a topic at the expense of sophistication. That is a different than the qualities described here, because a hatred toward something has a proactive quality that recognizes that lack in someway. Plus I think with the spread of technology there are more men who are really learning to engage and appreciate working with women who share a common "nerdiness" of a given subject. But I do think everyone should examine the power struggle they have with their partner and be honest about the hangups and how those hangups evolve into something darker.